so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
