just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
