last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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