Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You can't motorboat a personality
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
