Pants 0. Shit 1.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
