it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
