Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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