i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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