It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
