My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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