Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
