Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Mom said you looked used
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
