i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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