dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
