I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
