That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
