No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
