somebody snuck up and got me drunk
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
