Me. At least after what I've been through.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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