that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize