they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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