every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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