I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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