well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
