You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
