You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
