highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
