That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Randomize
