cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
