Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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