I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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