3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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