I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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