How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
People in love make me want to vomit
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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