i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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