proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Fuck appropriateness.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
