Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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