Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
