Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
