He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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