So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
