if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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