You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
