I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
