Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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