I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
