Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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