for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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