She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
