my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Found your dick twin last night
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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