so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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