isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
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