6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
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I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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