Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
