I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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