My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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