Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
why is half of my head shaved?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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