I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
