Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
