so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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