Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This toilet bowl is my home.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
