Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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