I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
