Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
