you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
