I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Randomize
