I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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