Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
