A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
