He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
