is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
