my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
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