dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
