Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
