UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
