What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
