you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize