I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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