A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
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I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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