2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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